being someone's mom isn't a bad thing

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This is about something that's been tumbling around in my mind for a few weeks now and while I might not have an answer or ever have one maybe talking about it might make it's path less erratic and easier to deal with.

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Today I turned 49. While I don't feel as old as that number implies I do understand that I am on the backside of my lifespan. I have come to the realization that I have never been alone in my life. I do many things things by myself. I have no problem eating in a restaurant alone. I have no problem going shopping, to a movie, I really can't think of anything that I would have a problem with. I do sometimes hesitate going somewhere for the first time but I can get over that pretty well. What I'm talking about is I went from being someone's daughter to someone's wife and then someone's mom. Even when trying to come up with a name for this blog I couldn't come up with something that said something more unique about myself. I've told myself that I picked that name because I am very proud of what my children have done and it was a way to link myself to them. And I think that still holds true. But it might be time to try to be myself for myself.

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This is first time in my entire life that I have not had to worry about anyone else. I don't have to tell anyone where I'm going or if I'm going to be late. I don't have to worry if there's food cooked, clean towels, lunch money, picking someone up from a dance, asking permission to go out with friends, any number of things you don't think about doing because it might affect someone else. Living in this house with Carly has been great. She wasn't around much at first not even sleeping here. She has given me space. She has been very good about being "my roommate". I've even noticed she introduces me to her friends as this is my roommate Phyllis not this is my mom Phyllis. But not leaving me so alone that I feel overwhelmed.

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Maybe I'm making too much out of this in my head. Being someone's mom is not a bad thing. I just have to admit to myself it's not all I am and have fun finding out who else I might be.

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And be glad I have three special people to share my adventure with.

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